Jay Motley is here to share his thoughts on adoption and a whole lot on perspective…enjoy!
Why did y’all adopt? How did y’all pick China? All girls?? These are some of the questions we get from both interested and bemused onlookers. Granted, this is usually right after the ,”Are they twins?” question, to which we sweetly say no, they are 18 months apart. I have about decided that the universal “they” all look the same stereotype used to describe everybody, everywhere has a lot of truth to it. Full disclosure, we have even had Chinese people ask us this, so its human nature, nothing sinister! To be honest, having lived overseas in arguably the most cosmopolitan city in the world for 5 years and having two little Chinese girls probably inoculated me from this, but I just don’t see how people think they are twins. Granted, except for height, build, facial features, hair color, and skin tone, they could pass as twins. But life is about perspective.
Perspective. Sometimes we use it to describe our own, sometimes we use it to let someone else know they need to change theirs, i.e. They need to get some perspective. Perspective, that’s why we adopted. From our perspective its a great thing. We really felt lead down that path. It had always been part of the plan, since Heather and I started seriously dating. We wanted to grow our family and there are many children that need a family. How come China? Well, Heather spent a summer there during college and felt that her babies were there. It also helped that they have a well organized process with few surprises. So all Girls. That’s an easy one, girls always love their Daddy!!
Perspective. We all have it, but most of us rely on our own, not Gods. His perspective is eternal, ours is earthly. Going thru the adoption process has really stretched me, remember I’m just an ol’ redneck from East Texas. It has made me seek out His wisdom, His Perspective. We are called to look after the widows and orphans. To step out in faith that he will provide and guide us. With Amelia and Emma, we had been planning and saving. So while the emotions and struggles were real, The Struggle is Real Folks, the stepping out in faith on the resources side was not really required. We could do it on our own, or at least that is what our sinful pride told us. He was always there, providing, we just fooled ourselves that is was us doing it.
This time is different. As most everyone knows, the Oil business has seen better days. So after two layoffs in as many years, we have been in hardcore saving mode. However, you can only save so much. As we got to the home stretch, we were still pretty far behind, and as I started figuring on how to make it all work, the Big Man provided. In the space of a few weeks, we had several unexpectedly successful fundraisers and several incredibly generous donations come in all at once. We are called to be faithful and He has promised to provide, maybe not in the way we like or on our terms or our time, but He is always good on His promises. I can honestly say this adoption journey has certainly stretched me and forced me to be faithful in ways I’m not used to. I like to have things planned out and prefunded! Alas, it was not so with our Hannah!
So why adopt? Why not! If you are reading this, and have ever felt the nudging from the Big Man, the time is nigh. I’m really speaking more to the husbands here. Because if your wife is anything like mine (I have to remind Heather every time she holds a baby that in Texas she has to give it back), she probably has a constant case of baby fever, maybe not 104F, but a solid 100F, with spikes around newborns. Your wife has probably already brought it up, a few times in passing. Slowly checking your temperature, adding more meat to the bone, then asking if she’s crazy for even thinking it. There will always be something going on, it will never really be a good time, things will never slow down, the time won’t ever be completely right, so you just have to carpe diem, or the enemy will. God gave us all this internal desire for children, and it looks different for everybody. Sure, adoption is way more complicated, it comes with baggage, costs a little more, and will generally be messier. But out of the crazy, awesomeness will abound.
Perspective. As big of a proponent of adoption as I am, its not for everybody. While anybody can do it, not everybody is ready for it. I am happy to see adoption become more mainstream, with more openness about adoption. However, people tend to turn into heard animals, sheepeople if you will. As things get trendier, the perspective about what it really means and the weightiness of the choice gets glossed over. So I would implore you to prayerfully consider your motivations and be really honest with yourself. Only God can judge, so don’t get down on yourself if its not for you. If it is not for you, which is totally ok, I would ask that you consider praying for someone you know who is adopting and if felt lead, help support them with your time and/or resources.