DEFEAT.

It was one of those days, everyone was crabby, frustrated, sad, mad and tired.  Days like that make me want to hop back in bed and just start over.  Its true what they say about having a baby, you will forget the labor and delivery, the long sleepless nights, the hard days…you forget right up until you are head to head with the same challenges and then its like “oh yea, this is going to suck for a bit”.  (yes, I realize that I didn’t just give birth, but the pain and struggles, although different are still the same…I make no sense.)

When my voice of reason (Jay) got home, I cried and said “I don’t remember being this tired and it being this hard”, as Emma screamed because she wanted to be put down and wanted to be held at the same time…I don’t know how to even do that, just hoover her above the ground?   He wisely said “We’ve only been home 2.5 weeks, its all going to take time…be patient”   Obviously patience isn’t my forte, but I’m working on it.

Having a new baby is hard, exhausting and frustrating at times, but with my overall exhaustion and thoughts being so negative its hard to see the amazing miracle that continues to on fold right in front of us.  Why oh why do I let myself feel defeated?  “These are the voices, these are the lies, And I have believed them, for the very last time.”

Emma Grace Motley, I am in awe of you!  You have been with us exactly 32 days today and you are so comfortable with all of us, you feel safe enough to get mad when you don’t get your way, you greet your daddy when he gets home everyday with the most beautiful squeal of excitement, you pucker up for a kiss at the most random times, you love to sing and dance with us,  you love, love, love to swing with your sissies, and you just love for your mommom to hold you.  We love you precious girl, we are so thankful that you are a Motley!

Today is a new day friends, after much prayer yesterday I woke up this morning feeling like a new woman!  HELLO MY NAME IS, CHILD OF THE ONE TRUE KING!

Ways to pray for us:

• Emma (bless her) is trying to figure out all of us crazies, pray that she continues to attach to Jay and I and forms a deep bond with McKayla and Amelia.
• Amelia:  she is struggling with sharing…her stuff, her room, her mom & dad, etc…pray about that!
• McKayla is frustrated that she has so much homework to do, all she wants is to play with her sisters.  Pray that she can find a balance and is able to use her time wisely.  She truly is the best big sister!
• Heather:  I’m convinced that I  live with 2 little chipmunks (based on the evidence on the floors) and I am shocked at how long it takes us to get EVERYONE ready and out the door…pray that I can show myself some grace in regards to the cleanliness of our house and our punctuality.
• Jay is being tugged in 4 different directions by all the girls in his life wanting his attention (its a rough life)…pray that he can find a balance.  Also, this amazing man is doing much more than he needs to in order to help me, I could not do it without him!
• Jay & Heather: Pray that we wouldn’t be so overcome by exhaustion everyday that we forget to take time for each other.

If you’ve never heard Matthew West’s song Hello my name is, its worth a listen, here are the lyrics.

Hello, my name is regret
I’m pretty sure we have met
Every single day of your life
I’m the whisper inside
That won’t let you forget

Hello, my name is defeat
I know you recognize me
Just when you think you can win
I’ll drag you right back down again
‘Til you’ve lost all belief

These are the voices, these are the lies
And I have believed them, for the very last time

Hello, my name is child of the one true King
I’ve been saved, I’ve been changed, and I have been set free
“Amazing Grace” is the song I sing
Hello, my name is child of the one true King

I am no longer defined
By all the wreckage behind
The one who makes all things new
Has proven it’s true
Just take a look at my life

Hello, my name is child of the one true King
I’ve been saved, I’ve been changed, and I have been set free
“Amazing Grace” is the song I sing
Hello, my name is child of the one true King

What love the Father has lavished upon us
That we should be called His children
I am a child of the one true King

What love the Father has lavished upon us
That we should be called His children

Hello, my name is child of the one true King
I’ve been saved, I’ve been changed, and I have been set free
“Amazing Grace” is the song I sing
Hello, my name is child of the one true King

I am a child of the one true King

This man…I love him!

They love each other…most of the time!

Our unplanned visit to see santa, Emma was not a fan and Amelia…I have no words child!

This picture melts my heart everytime I look at it…they love each other so deeply.

Our first fire this season…and it wasn’t even cold! Emma was amazed!

Are they twins? Yep, just 18 months apart!

This child can eat!

Happy 1 month, my love!