Tomorrow isn’t promised
How many times have I read to not be anxious and not to worry about tomorrow in the Bible…dozens of times. Tomorrow isn’t promised! But until Hannah joined our crew I never realized just how hard that is. Based on the way things are now, Hannah is expected to live half of an average persons life…of course we have no clue what the next 30 years in the medical industry will look like. Jay is convinced they will be able to grow her a new heart by then, but only God knows how its all going to go. We could sit and worry about Hannah for the rest of our days and probably be completely justified in that and believe me we have spent entirely too much time doing just that; but it is such a waste of time and energy. A friend shared James Ryles words with Jay and I today and the timing was perfect:
“Nothing good ever comes from an anxious mind or a hurried spirit. When we let fear, anxiety and worry crowd our thoughts, we diminish our capacity for recognizing and responding to the work that God is doing in us, to us, for us, and through us during trying times.”
Tomorrow isn’t promised.
With each of our girls, we couldn’t fathom how adding them to our family would change us. Being the parents, we assumed we would be doing all of the molding, but really God has used them to mold us and break us in so many ways…but Hannah, Hannah has shattered us. God is using her in all of our lives, we are living with a new sense of urgency, being much more intentional, and getting better at letting go of the crap that used to get us all twisted up. Don’t get me wrong, we are still 100% human and we fail daily, but we have shifted our life goals a bit, fixed our eyes more firmly on Him. Tomorrow isn’t promised.
It was the end of February when we last begged for prayers as we had our hardest, most critical parenting decision to make…which surgery? Unfortunately that decision wasn’t as clear-cut as we had hoped it would be. Both options came with a list of pros and cons. We poured through research, spent hours on our knees and in the end we chose the surgery that we hope will be best for Hannah overall. She will be having a Fontan procedure done here, at Texas Children’s in Houston. After that decision was made, we breathed a sigh of relief. Not just because a decision had finally been made, you see the other surgery would have taken us to Boston Children’s, we were careful to not allow the distance and the need to uproot our family for a couple months to weigh in, we wanted to do what would be best for Hannah. But once we decided on the surgery and surgeon here I was relieved because Boston would have been a logistical nightmare, we would have made the best of it for sure, but we definitely felt some sweet relief that we would be at home, surrounded by our people.
That brings us to Hannah’s Surgery…It has been on the calendar for four months. For four months I haven’t been able to talk about it much. Unless you caught me on an emotionless day when I could spout off facts and give you a broad overview of what’s to come. But now we are down to 1 month and the reality of it is almost more than I can handle. This time last year we were counting down the days until Hannah would be in our arms and now we are agonizing over the days left until they take her from our arms…to repair her very unique heart. I’ve joined all sorts of mom groups with heart babies similar to Hannah, it has been so helpful as we prepare for surgery, but it has also made me painfully aware of all the complications that can arise. So the closer we get to September 4th, the more my emotions keep spilling over. Tomorrow isn’t promised.
If you would, come alongside us once again and cover us in prayer, we would be so grateful.
- I have about a zillion specifics, but really it just comes down to prayers for Hannah…for comfort, for quick healing, for her to be at peace while we are in the hospital and patience while her body heals.
- Prayers for the surgical team, her little heart is super complex, so just for them to have the knowledge, the patience and the steady hands to successfully complete the surgery.
- Prayers for the rest of us…we are all pretty anxious, nervous, scared and overwhelmed. The big girls are feeling it too. We all know how serious this is and how fragile life is and so pray for us to feel His peace over the next couple months and that we may reflect Him as we walk through this.